Stellar Blade Review (10/10)
A Beacon of Hope for Modern Gaming
Let me start with a very controversial take: Stellar Blade actually has a decent storyline. Often internet rumors can become echoed so much that people accept them as dogma, so allow me to vindicate the writers. Now it’s not a perfect story, and I suspect there are a few plot holes, which I won’t get into and spoil anything, but there are several M. Night Shyamalan twists which kinda blew my mind. Be careful looking up other reviews before buying this game. One of the biggest twists got spoiled for me and I’m still salty about it—MARK (Electric Underground)!!
And speaking of buying the game, if you want the uncensored version you’ll have to buy it physically and play the game offline. Turning off the automatic updates in the settings will not prevent the game from updating, (which is creepy,) and then you’ll have the censored version. So you need to keep your PS5 offline throughout the entirety of you playing the game. If you make a mistake and it updates, take out the disc, disconnect from the internet, delete the game, and then insert the disc and let it copy. It won’t delete your progress, thankfully.
At the time of me writing this, the petition against the censorship has over 86K signatures on Change.org. Personally I’m just astonished that Shift Up was able to release an uncensored physical disc. The director of Stellar Blade, Kim Hyung-tae, promised he would do as such, and he delivered. I understand many frustrated consumers bought the game digitally, and they feel slighted. But you weren’t aware of the global attack on free speech and art that’s been going on for decades now? To you 86 thousand gamers out there, I have four words for you, “Welcome to the party.” Us Dead or Alive fans have been well aware of the bogus censorship by woke commies that have hijacked the gaming industry for years now. That’s why I decided to buy a second copy of Stellar Blade, which will remain sealed, because just one middle finger to the people that murdered DOA isn’t enough. God gave us two hands and two middle fingers for a reason, and by Jove I’ll use ‘em!
But is Stellar Blade actually fun? Yes, but it is frustrating at times. Navigation feels clumsy, with me constantly needing to press start and recheck my map. And the map design often felt frustrating. And the targeting system in combat feels like it works against you when getting ganged up on. You’ll try to dodge an enemy attacking you from behind, but because you’re looking at a dude to the side you can’t trigger your special blue or purple dodge animation. Super annoying. The combat clearly feels like it was made for one-on-one boss fights, but you’ll spend the majority of your time fighting random enemies. But they do give you some AOE attack tools to deal with the riffraff, but until you can unlock these tools you’ll feel like something is clearly missing. But despite these minor blemishes the game really grew on me after a while. The graphics and incredible combat animations are the big selling point. This is easily one of the best-looking games on the PS5. Now the question is is Stellar Blade truly stellar or is it just that the majority of other modern games are lackluster and cut corners? Sadly it appears as if the latter is true.
It’s not a bonus if a modern game has excellent graphics and a slappin’ soundtrack, those are the baseline requirements. Back in the 80’s and 90’s videogames were new and cool and often unique and original. But like a page of paper that keeps getting copied over and over again, eventually you’ll start to notice defects in the script. What distinguishes modern games from retro games is that they’re supposed to look cool and be aesthetically pleasing, which Stellar Blade absolutely is. Initially I was going to give Stellar Blade a 9/10 due to the aforementioned flaws, but the last couple hours of the game really took it to a higher level. I understand that the Peak-end rule applies here, and I don’t care. The ending/endings took me by surprise, and it’s not often I’m able to psychologically endure beating most modern games, and I can’t remember the last time I immediately started a new game plus.
In a sea of mundanity, it’s refreshing to see a modern game that can shine and standout, despite the active politically motivated attacks to censor and suppress this work of art. What’s good absolutely outweighs the minor imperfections. Stellar Blade earns a 10/10, and is a beacon of hope that a murdered franchise like Dead or Alive can be resurrected for round 7.